Pop culture, entertainment and current affairs humour blog for anybody trying to make it in this crazy world.

Modern trick-or-treaters lack understanding, commitment

Children dressed up for Halloween with their trick or treat buckets

Each of these children has put in enough effort to earn a treat, except one - the little one who is wasting everyone's time, perhaps deliberately.

Yesterday was Halloween and if you live in a suburban area you would have experienced trick-or-treating. Unless you’re some kind of angry hermit, you probably don’t mind the knock at the door and the chorus of children announcing their intention to strip you of anything with a sugar content above 50%. You might even send your own little scamps off on trick-or-treating adventures.

I’m all for fun. I don’t mind the concept of trick-or-treating, but yesterday proved to me that today’s kids wouldn’t know a trick-or-treat if it snuck up from behind dressed as Freddy Krueger and scared the living shit out of them. Call me an old stickler, but I thought that the idea of trick-or-treating was to put some effort into a suitably impressive costume, which earns you the right to knock door-to-door demanding treats. If the homeowner doesn’t pay up, then you perform a trick, some mildly irritating or inconvienient mischief.

Not these days. These days, what we experience is a watered-down, politically correct version of trick-or-treating and Michael Myers would turn in his grave, if anybody could ever get him to stay in it.

Click here to find out why modern trick-or-treaters just don’t make the grade

01.11.2010 Society No Comments

What my free iPhone means for your consumer rights

Crowd cheers a man with a new iPhone.

This guy is almost as happy as I was when I got my new iPhone.

Your response to a malfunctioning iPhone is a fairly reliable indicator of whether or not you have your priorities right. If you shrug your shoulders and even rejoice over the freedom from work calls and emails that the malfunction affords you, then you can be reasonably certain that your responses to life’s little problems are healthy and are unlikely to contribute to your risk of heart attack or stroke. If a malfunctioning iPhone is a source of face-reddening frustration, a sharp increase in blood pressure and a string of potty language, then can be equally sure that you are too easily provoked by minor setbacks.

I am well and truly in the second category.

My iPhone was a mess. A number of faults had rendered it useless. Imagine my delight when Apple told me that I was to be responsible for covering the cost of repair because the unit was three months past its twelve month warranty. I felt like dancing a jig of glee, all over Steve Jobs’ face.

Click here to find out why Optus replaced my iPhone free and what it means for your rights

13.09.2010 Current Affairs, Technology 2 Comments

Human Centipede film takes torture-porn to arse-kissing new low

Don't try this at home, kids.

Scott says this happens all the time at his place.

Isn’t it always the way? Your car breaks down on a dark and stormy night, you and your friend find an isolated house nearby, the guy who lives there is really messed up and uses you to satisfy his debased psychosis by surgically connecting your face to your friend’s rear-end.

That’s how it goes for Lindsay and Jenny, characters from the new torture-porn film The Human Centipede (First Sequence), which is now showing in a limited number of Australian cinemas.

Click here to find out more about torture-porn’s latest low

30.08.2010 Entertainment, Society 1 Comment

Why not splitting the bill costs you more

This waiter doesn't like split bills in his cafe or restaurant, but not just because he is lazy.

Excuse me, you are paying for these martinis together, aren't you?

Nothing makes me feel less welcome when dining out than the arbitrary ‘NO SPLIT BILLS’  statement so often found on the bottom of menus, and on walls and cash registers in cafes and restaurants everywhere.

Any establishment that has this notice may as well have a sign that says, “NO DINING WITH OTHERS WITHOUT HAVING TO ENDURE A DEGRADING AND AWKWARD PROCESS OF NEGOTIATING WITH THE OTHER MEMBERS OF YOUR PARTY”.

What exactly do the owners of these establishments think happens when a group of friends goes out for a meal together? Do they think that one person pays for everyone? That we all leap out of our chairs, waving around our credit cards, fighting each other back for the right to pay double, triple or maybe even ten times more than the cost of our meal, just so we don’t force the staff to endure the increased intellectual burden of keeping more than one account per table?

Click here to find out why not splitting the bill means you pay more

19.07.2010 Society 3 Comments

My religious experience with Russell Crowe

Star of Robin Hood and Gladiator, Russell Crowe, shouting at something.

Oh shit, some plonker has mentioned the accent in Robin Hood again.

As a society, it’s been a while since we were truly religious. It’s rare that you find someone who still believes the stories of gods and goblins that were conjured up in the good old days to control the superstitious masses and provide a basis for things like monarchs and wars. A few people still say they do, but very few indeed strike me as acting like they really believe that their every thought and action is being judged by an all-knowing, all-seeing deity.

But we need something to believe in, it takes the spotlight off what’s lacking in our lives, so as a society, we now worship celebrities.  Magazines and gossip sites are our bibles, couches and movie seats our pews, big screen televisions, stages and cinema screens, the alters upon which we worship.

Since there are so many celebrities, I think we can assume our society is polytheistic. Like other doomed civilizations that have worshipped multiple deities, not all of our gods are equal. Some are ‘a-list’, some are ‘b-grade’, and others are reality television stars and breakfast radio announcers.

Imagine my delight when one of the a-listers, Russell Crowe, spoke to me. But this was no holy communion, Russell was displeased.

Click here to learn more about the wrath of Crowe

30.06.2010 Current Affairs, Entertainment 10 Comments

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