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Your response to a malfunctioning iPhone is a fairly reliable indicator of whether or not you have your priorities right. If you shrug your shoulders and even rejoice over the freedom from work calls and emails that the malfunction affords you, then you can be reasonably certain that your responses to life’s little problems are healthy and are unlikely to contribute to your risk of heart attack or stroke. If a malfunctioning iPhone is a source of face-reddening frustration, a sharp increase in blood pressure and a string of potty language, then can be equally sure that you are too easily provoked by minor setbacks.

I am well and truly in the second category.

My iPhone was a mess. A number of faults had rendered it useless. Imagine my delight when Apple told me that I was to be responsible for covering the cost of repair because the unit was three months past its twelve month warranty. I felt like dancing a jig of glee, all over Steve Jobs’ face.

I had purchased the iPhone new only fifteen months ago. It is valued at over $900. As a result of nothing more than regular use, it had degraded to the point where it was now a fault-riddled embarrassment that I would be better off without. It reminded me of that time Gretel Killeen tried to host the Logies.

Adding to my unhealthy purple hue was the fact that I purchased the iPhone through Optus on a two year contract. I had nine months left to go before the contract ended (enough time to gestate) and was without a functioning handset.

As I wandered the street in search of the nearest bell tower from which I would mount my revenge, the words ‘consumer rights’ echoed in my head. I hit Google and discovered that under the Trade Practices Act, if someone in Australia sells you something, it must function for a reasonable amount of time. What is reasonable is a matter of perspective, based on a number of factors including price, purpose and any commitments or inferences that were made at the time of purchase.

This has fascinating repercussions for consumers, retailers and manufacturers. It means that warranty periods specified when you buy a product become meaningless. It means that there is no need to purchase extended warranties. It means that if something is valued at over $900 and was sold on a two year contract (say, an iPhone), then it is reasonable to expect that it will last two years. It does not matter that the manufacturer’s warranty is only for one year. Statutory warranties apply to whoever sells you a product, not who produces it.

I strode into my closest Optus store, armed with my rights under the Trade Practices Act, confident that the shop’s staff would be impressed by my consumer savvy and inevitably concede that given my findings, they have no option but to cover the cost of repair.

“Statutory what? The warranty is one year. See, it says so here on the warranty card. You’ll have to pay for the repair.”

Unfortunately for Optus, no matter how disadvantaged they were by their representative’s diminutive capacity to comprehend the relatively simple concept I was trying to express, the exchange constituted ‘approaching the retailer with the issue’. This is all I needed to have done in order to be eligible to make a complaint to the Telecommunications Industry Ombudsman.

When you complain to the TIO, you are given a telephone number for a special department at whichever company you have placed the complaint against. The company in question is also charged an administration fee by the TIO that increases according to how long the complaint remains open, regardless of its validity. This provides great incentive for phone companies to settle these complaints as quickly as possible.

I placed my complaint via the TIO website and was emailed with Optus’ number a short time later. I telephoned them and left a message, detailing my complaint.

It was less than ninety minutes before Optus returned my call, offering me a brand new iPhone, no questions asked. In fact, because the model I had was obsolete, I was offered the latest you beaut’, whizz-bang model.

I did my best to maintain an air of arrogance and indifference, careful not to seem grateful for receiving the restitution that I was due. Behind my cool, composed front, I rejoiced in gleeful victory. I could not believe that it was that simple to make Optus yield completely to the power of the statutory warranty.

However, no major retailer can afford to encourage this sort of behaviour among their customers and it was made clear to me that my phone was being replaced as a gesture of goodwill, not because of anything to do with statutory warranty.

Of course not. Huge profit-driven corporations are renowned for their warmth and generosity of spirit. I have no doubt that Optus’ CEO himself skips gaily down the main streets of Australia’s communities every day, giving out free hugs, helping the elderly cross the road, scratching puppies behind the ears and of course, providing free iPhones to each passerby, just to spread love.

Then it occurred to me that by accepting the iPhone after this distinction was made, I was not scoring a win for consumers everywhere, just for myself. A more noble man might have remained steadfast and firmly informed Optus that he ‘was not accepting the iPhone unless it was recorded as replaced under statutory warranty’. I am not that man.

I am however, a man with a shiny new iPhone and a satisfied grin and you can be too. All you have to do is demand compliance to the Trade Practices Act the next time that you buy a product from a retailer that follows the ever-increasing trend of stocking goods of substandard quality, thinking that they have cleverly guaranteed a repeat purchase in twelve months time.

Imagine the possibilities. Irons made to last more than twelve months. DVD players that still work months after the warranty ends, and of course, mobile phones that outlast contracts.

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This entry was posted on Monday, September 13th, 2010 at 3:39 pm and is filed under Current Affairs, Technology. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.